Aye Aye EYES
by Rose Royce
Summary: Hakudoushi is being stalked by a creepy little girl. What does he do?[Dexter's Laboratory parody]HakudoushiOOC[I think...]


**It feels like forever since I uploaded something for this site! Well this is based off of my favorite episode of Dexter's Laboratory called "Aye Aye Eyes".**

**Don't ask me why this is in the Horror section...**

**:Hakudoushi has an awful attitude...seriously, give that boy a spanking!:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

There was a little girl walking down the street with her bunny on an ordinary school day. She wasn't particularly going to school, because she was kind of young. Other kids older than she was passed by her on their way to school. She didn't notice, let alone care, because her eyes were closed. The girl just kept on walking and walking with her bunny dragging behind her…until of course the stuffed toy had gotten snagged by a thorn in the sidewalk and was out of the girl's grasp. 

The little girl didn't notice; she was still walking.

Hang on everyone, the opening may be boring, but it will improve.

Now, not too far behind the little girl was little Hakudoushi going to school. His nose was in an Advanced Calculus textbook. Being so engrossed in a book filled with stuff he already knew perfectly without any help whatsoever (because he's so damn smart) he didn't see the fallen bunny and tripped over it, face first and book on the back of his head.

Yes, even the mighty Hakudoushi some of us love so much can fall on a cute, cuddly plush toy.

Hakudoushi got up and looked at the stupid plush bunny. Then he saw the little girl walking down the street, almost disappearing from his sight. Actually doing something good in his life besides getting straight A's, Hakudoushi picked up the bunny and chased after the little girl.

"Hey little girl! You dropped you're bunny!" Hakudoushi hollered, running after her. "You dropped you're bunny! You dropped you're bunny! You dropped you're bunny! You dropped you're bunny!"

The girl just kept on steppin'…

"YO BITCH! STOP!!"

Finally, the girl stopped, eyes STILL closed of course.

Poor Hakudoushi was all out of breath, still wheezing "you dropped you're bunny", holding out the bunny toy. The little girl was silent, but she turned herself around with her eyes closed. At first, she slowly tried to open them, but then her eyelids rose in a flash, revealing her huge, creepy, bug eyes.

"OH MY GOD!" Hakudoushi shrieked. And she just stared at him, blankly…

"Is…is there something on my face? Uh, did I step in something?" No answer.

More staring…more silence. Hang in there, readers!

"…Uhh, umm…you should be more careful with your things from now on…eh…bye…bye…" Hakudoushi told her nervously. She just kept on staring at him with those large, freaky eyes…

They then just stared at each other. If this was an anime or even a regular cartoon show like Dexter's Laboratory or something this would have gone on for at least…mmmm…two minutes and twenty-five seconds perhaps?

"Eh hehehehe…I got to go now…b-be more careful…uh...okay?"

Silence from the girl.

"…Okay…" And Hakudoushi dashed off to school in hopes of NEVER having to see those gargantuan eyes again.

(SCHOOL!)

"Okay class," The nameless teacher says, walking down the aisles of nervous students, "time to begin your test. When you're done, turn your papers over."

Of course being the brilliant student he is, Hakudoushi completed the test in one lousy minute and turned it over with a cocky smile (did I mention it was math?). The teacher turned to look at the star student in amazement, and simply told him to rest until his classmates were done.

So, he looked to the left. Five students were showing him how angry they were at him in their own way. One slightly stood up from her desk, and another shook his fist at him. To the right, four students just looked at him evilly, with some creepy-looking girl staring at him from outside of the classroom window.

Wait…creepy…looking…GIRL?

THE CREEPY BUG-EYED GIRL WITH THE BUNNY!

Trying not to cause a scene, Hakudoushi pretended he didn't see her. He messed around with his pencil and faked a yawn. He looked out the corners of his eyes to see that the girl was still there. Staring. At him…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!?!?!?" Hakudoushi screamed! The other students looked shocked from left to right, while the teacher got up in annoyance and pointed to the corner of the room.

There in the corner of the room he stood, embarrassed. He huffed in shame and looked to his left. There the little creepy-eyed girl stood staring at him through the window.

Later that day, before going home, Hakudoushi stopped of at his locker to retrieve his precious Advanced Calculus textbook. Oh, how he loved that textbook! He hugged it, and cuddled it, and held it lovingly in his arms. As he was leaving, guess what?

The little creepy-eyed girl with bunny was right in front of him. Staring. STARING.

Hakudoushi walked backwards away from her, waving his book at her as if it's like garlic to a vampire saying in horror, "Stay back, stay back! I don't know what you want but—"

He bumped into the girl who somehow got behind him. Don't ask…

Then he ran away from her in terror, screaming, leaving his beloved Advanced Calculus textbook behind. And of course (A/N: I'm tired too…) the girl just stood there, staring not at him

(YAY!)…but at the book (wow, big change…not).

(HOME!)

"NARAKU!!" Hakudoushi came barging in saying, with Naraku at the door, "I had the scariest day! Everywhere I went this little girl kept FOLLOWING me and STARING at me! And she had these HUGE, CREEPY eyes! EWWWwwwwwww…" He shivered at the thought. "Any mail for me?" He then asked, as he looked through today's mail.

"Nooo," Naraku said cheerfully. He shut the door to reveal you-know-who (NOT LORD VOLDEMORT!)! "But you have a visitor!"

"Oh hiii—aaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hakudoushi screamed at the top of his lungs. The little girl held onto her bunny and stared at him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Continued Hakudoushi as he swiftly sprinted upstairs to his room, still screaming bloody-murder. He slammed his room door behind him.

For a minute or two, it was silent. Naraku broke the silence telling the girl, "He's in his room, left end of the hallway. Can't miss it."

The little girl stared at Naraku with her freaky eyes before making her way to Hakudoushi's room with her bunny. When she was out of sight…

"Ewwwwwwww…" Naraku mumbled, shivering himself.

(Haku-kun's room!)

Hakudoushi frantically looked high and low in his room; asking himself, "Where is it?" and "Where did I put it?" over and over.

"Where is a naginata when you need one?" Hakudoushi asked himself (A/N: A naginata is that weapon he totes around, eventually he'll poke his eye out with it…). "I know! I'll look in Naraku's room!" He ran towards the door, only to see the creepy-eyed girl blocking the doorway about twelve feet away, staring at him from a distance. (His room is hella big. That's the perk of being Naraku's favorite.)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hakudoushi screamed. He tried to "brake", but he kept going until he stopped right in front of her…and fell. Like a little bitch he laid there on the floor like a slave being whipped. "Please, PLEASE don't hurt me! I'm fragile! I—"

The creepy little girl presented his Advanced Calculus book.

"Hey! My book!" Hakudoushi said happily, taking it from her. "I must have dropped it after you freaked me out at school! Thank you!" Then it was silent again, the little girl still—well, you know and he—same thing…but then he dropped to his knees.

"Why? Why do you stare at me so? Gazing at me so lovingly and freakishly? I mean, I know I'm hot and sexy and every girl wants a piece of me but…IT'S NOT LIKE I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

And would you believe it? She nodded!

"No. Nononono….you think you and I are—"

She nodded again.

"EEP!" Went Hakudoushi leaping in fright like a sissy. Then he got all tough! "Okay, listen up girl! There is NO way, No how I'm going to be your boyfriend! Even…EVEN if you try to tell the world I read porn magazines!"

Hakudoushi quickly covered his mouth, but it was too late. The creepy little girl looked at him and a HUGE smile was plastered on her face. TIME FOR A SONG! SING WITH THE AUTHORESS NOW!

_I see your eyes when you look at me,_

_I can't deny that you're a sight to see,_

_The look that you gave made me fall to my knees._

_So you see,_

_So you see…_

_Your eyes are the kind that make me feel gay,_

_The gaze that you lay knock me into a daze,_

_A look sent my way makes me shout hip-hooray!_

_Hip-hooray,_

_Hip-HOORAAAAAAAAY!_

**(Chorus!)**

_Aye, aye, aye,_

_You're eyes hypnotize._

_But why-y-y do you stay by my side?_

_Whoa, whoa, whoa!_

_Why don't you go?_

_So-o-o_

_I'd be alone?!_

(Here, Hakudoushi is standing annoyed, the creepy little girl is dancing from side-to-side and Kanna, Kagura, Kohaku, and even Naraku is dancing with here with a psychedelic background)

_Aye, aye, aye,_

_You're eyes hypnotize._

_But why-y-y do you stay by my side?_

_Whoa, whoa, whoa!_

_Why don't you go?_

_So-o-o_

_I'd be alone?!_

---

The next two mornings, Naraku is found at the table eating a bowl of cereal, Hakudoushi comes in surprisingly happy.

"Helloooooooooooo, Pop!" Hakudoushi greeted his "dad", if that's what you want to call him.

"What are you so happy about?" Naraku replied with his mouth full of cereal, "Is it 'cuz you're in loooove?"

"No, no, Pops. I'm happy because I FINALLY FOUND MY NAGINATA!" He presented his weapon to Naraku with this silly, sinister-yet-happy look on his face.

Naraku squirted milk from his mouth in his face. "HAKUDOUSHI!" Naraku slapped him (GASP! CHILD ABUSE!) "Violence is not the answer," _'Well, yes it is…'_ "I mean, you can't just go and stab the CREEPY-EYED girl, just because she's forcing you to be her boyfriend…"

"I know, Naraku…What should I do?"

"Get her to fall in love with someone else!"

"Not possible!"

"Why?"

"'Cause once you love Haku, you love the best!"

Naraku slapped Hakudoushi again.

"Ow! Well, uh…what was your plan again?"

(Minutes later!)

"Okay," Hakudoushi said to Naraku as they both looked out the window, " Every morning she waits for me outside. Ughhh, there she is…" Outside the mansion, the creepy-eyed girl waits patiently with her bunny, staring soullessly at the other side of the street. "Time for Phase 1. With this Molecular Transporter I bought from some nerd yesterday, I can transport that annoying little neighborhood fox-boy from point A…"

_The little fox-boy from down the street, Shippo, who was about that to enjoy a piece of cake until he got zapped._

"…To point B!" Shippo suddenly appears next to the creepy little girl, bewildered.

"Impressive," Naraku said. "Now for Phase 2…" Don't ask me how, but Naraku was dressed like cupid (WITH A TOGA, NOT A DIAPER!) with a bow and an arrow with a suction cup at the tip. He tried aiming for the girl. "Fly true, cupid arrow!" And let the arrow go. It went sailing though the air missing the girl, but it hit her stuffed bunny. The bunny then flew into the street. It was silent…again…sorry…and Shippo and the girl stared at it. Shippo turned from the bunny to the girl, then went into the street without a word, removing the suction cup arrow from the toy's head. The freaky little girl quietly followed after him. Shippo picked up the bunny by the arm and held it out to her, staring soullessly at her as she stared soullessly back, going on about three whole minutes. Suddenly, Shippo cracked a sweet smile, and the girl did the same, grabbing the other arm of her bunny. They just stood there in the street smiling…

…Until a dairy truck ran them over and killed them, of course. Here, Hakudoushi shouted "YES!", but no one outside heard him. However the souls of Shippo, the creepy-eyed girl, and even her stuffed bunny rose from their squashed bodies and ran down the street IN LOVE, and out of sight forever…

Naraku looked outside the widow and sighed, "Isn't it romantic, Hakudoushi?" Hakudoushi stood behind him, mad.

"She's too good for him…"


End file.
